Desperate Interest
by Elric-Chan
Summary: Sasuke can't believe he's using the new dating service for the lonely, Desperate Interest. Naruto, on the other hand, is using it and loving it. But they're both surprised when they find out who they've been paired with... [sasunaru]
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Elric-Chan has never claimed to own Naruto, and never will. Well, maybe sometimes when she sleep-talks...**

**The inspiration for this fic came from my very dear friend _Cleone_, who has a (in my opinion) lovely SasuTema fic that she won't continue. Basically, Sasuke and Temari talk on a date chatroom and decide to meet for sex, although they don't know who the other person is... I think that's how it goes.**

**Anyway, seeing as how she's not continuing it, I decided to make a little thing like that of my own. Only with SasuNaru.**

**I am in no way "stealing her idea"! Flame me and I will retort with the sarcasm/rudeness that the deviantART forums have instilled in me.**

**Happy reading, all ye non-flamers.**

* * *

_"Are you looking for that someone special? Have you stopped caring who that person might be?"_

Sasuke glanced at the television in disgust.

_"Then join "Desperate Interest", the hot new dating service for the lonely! Because face it, who cares when you're desperate?"_

Sasuke sneered as the number flashed on the screen, urging viewers to call and "hook up now". It was one of the dumbest things he'd ever heard of (other than when Naruto told him that he had once tried to eat ramen with a fishing pole).

_"That's right, pal, I'm talking to you!"_ The man on the screen pointed out at Sasuke. _"Call now and get laid!"_

"Kiss my ass!" Sasuke shouted loudly at the TV. He rolled his eyes and knew it would be a cold day in hell before he ever became pathetic enough to call such a service. You could always trust Kakashi or Kiba to do lame things like that.

"Besides," he thought. "Who says I need to get laid?"

Truth be told, he _did_. But he kept that secret to himself. Seventeen years old and probably the only single male left in Konoha (though not for lack of trying on the girls' parts) other than Naruto, now was not the time to admit that you were horny and desperate to be screwed.

_"Desperate..."_ the word echoed in Sasuke's mind. "I am not desperate!"

He wasn't desperate, but he was, in a sense. He wasn't desperate to actually_ have_ a girlfriend, but he was desperate to find a decent one that perhaps he _could_ be with someday. The girls of Konoha were just out of the question.

Sasuke glanced at the TV, and quickly scribbled down the number, smacking himself mentally for doing it.

**XXX**

_"Please contact our website at oh desperate one, if you wish to find your true soulmate."_ The monotone female voice of the prerecorded message dropped, leaving a very confused and irate Sasuke holding the phone.

"What the hell was the point of even calling then!" he shouted, slamming the phone down on the desktop. He was seated at the desk, perched halfway up on his comfortable swivel chair, gettng more annoyed by the minute. He typed in the address with stiff fingers and waited for the homepage to pop up.

"Welcome to Desperate Interest!"

He stared at the page in irritation, his eyes scanning the words for links.

Find Another Desperate Soul

_Click_. "Tch."

Share Your Interests Now

_Click._

Sasuke looked at the description of the page. From what he could tell, you were not allowed to post anything other than your interests. No self-description, no gender, no age, nothing. Because, as the site maintained, who cares when you're desperate?

Sasuke scowled, and sat back in his chair.

_"Damn,"_ he thought. _"Am I really going to do this?"_

Then a thought occured to him.

"What are my interests?" he asked the room aloud. There was despising his brother with a burning passion, wanting to avenge his family, hating almost everyone he was forced to be in contact with, writing the occasional angsty poetry... but other than that, he couldn't really think of any.

"First I need some interests..."

"Hmm..." his fingers tapped the keyboard. "Best make it up..."

_Cooking_. What woman didn't love a man that could cook?

_Animals_. Instant charm.

_Shinobi Training_. Everyone loves a good ninja... after all, it was Konoha.

_Watching Television_. Eh... desperate people are usually also TV loving couch potatoes.

"Um..." He thought hard. "What else?"

He smirked.

_Being the best damn looking person in Konoha._

**XXX**

"All right!"

Naruto jumped out of his chair as the computer informed him "A MATCH HAS BEEN FOUND".

He opened the messgae and began eagerly reading. He had joined "Desperate Interest" becuase he was, well, desperate to find someone he could date. Anyone. He was running a little low on love at the moment.

_Cooking_.

His heart leapt. This chick could make ramen _for_ him! He wouldn't have to pay any more money for Ichiraku. He giggled gleefully and read on.

_Animals_.

This was even better, he thought. Maybe if she liked animals, she might be a little more open to the fact that he had a fox spirit concelaed in his body.

_Shinobi Training_.

That was great. A kunoichi he could practice with.

_Watching Television_.

Hmm. Not the greatest quality, but when he thought about it, he could always get nice and comfortable with her on the couch with a movie... and possibly do something more... He snickered.

His blue eyes nearly bulged out of his head at the last one.

_Being the best damn looking person in Konoha._

"YEAH!" He sprang right from his chair and danced around the room. "I've got a hot chick! Dattebayo!"

**XXX**

Sasuke raised an eyebrow as he read the interests of his "perfect match". Nothing extraordinary, but he had to admit, they _were_ a match for the fake interests he had listed. The site was good.

_Ramen_.

"Tch," he thought. "Sounds like Naruto."

_Being Outdoors_.

A nature girl, eh?

_Friends_.

Probably one of the gossipy fangirls. He rolled his eyes.

_Being the best_.

His dark eyes lit up. Now _there_ was something he liked.

A beep surprised him. He eyes traveled to the top of the screen, where he the words "YOUR PERFECT MATCH HAS SENT YOU A MESSAGE" flashed. Intrigued, he opened the message.

"Hey, cutie... you wanna meet up?"

Sasuke laughed. Straightforward, wasn't she? He lowered his fingers to the keyboard and began to type.

**XXX**

"Sure, why not? Name the place."

Naruto squealed. She wanted to meet him!

"How about... Ichiraku?"

He waited for almost a minute until the message beeped.

"...Sure."

"Ok... see you tonight then babe," Naruto typed. He paused, biting his lip. He grinned and finished. "Hope you're ready for some action."

**XXX**

Sasuke's eyes widened.

"Action?" Was she some controlling dominant type? He grinned wickedly, feeling hornier already.

"Tonight at 8 then," he sent back. "And I'm always ready."

He stood up and stretched, looking around his room. He needed a shower, then he had to find somethig nice, preferably something sexy, to wear.

He scowled when he remembered that they would be meeting at Ichiraku. He hated that old ramen stand, but he couldn't really think of anyplace better.

_"Hn,"_ he thought with a smirk. _"That lucky girl doesn't even know she's meeting Uchiha Sasuke."_

**XXX**

At 7:50, Sasuke stepped outside, locking the door behind him. He checked his reflection in the window, grinned, and turned to walk down the street. His ninja clothes had been replaced with a leather jacket (tight black shirt underneath), ripped, faded jeans, and . He looked like a motorcycle buff, dressed that way, and he knew he looked sexy. No one dressed that way to go to Ichiraku, but it wasn't like he was going there to _eat_.

He took a few back streets and a couple rooftops, and arrived at Ichiraku five minutes early. He sat down in his seat, earning a few stares from the cook and customers, but he ignored them.

"Sasuke, what are you doing here?"

Sasuke turned his head to see Naruto, sitting three seats down, staring at him in curiosity. Sasuke understood why: he _never_ went to Ichiraku and Naruto knew it. The blonde, although dressed in different, handsome clothes also, was no doubt here to fill his greedy stomach with as much ramen as a seventeen-year-old boy could possibly hold.

"I don't see why it matters to you," Sasuke replied coolly. "But I'm meeting someone."

"Really? Me too!"

That caught Sasuke by surprise. He turned completely around to face Naruto.

"You?" he asked disbelievingly. "Meeting someone?"

Naruto nodded, beaming happily.

"Who?"

"Well... I don't actually know," Naruto replied, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's someone I met on Desperate Interest."

"You actually use that?" Sasuke asked, pretending he thought it was stupid.

"Well, yeah... I don't care who I meet, I just wanna meet someone! Datteb-"

"Yeah, yeah," Sasuke interrupted hastily before Naruto could scream "Dattebayo" and embarrass them both. He turned back around, tapping his fingers impatiently on the counter.

"Who're you meeting, then, Sasuke?"

"...Someone," Sasuke answered slowly. He kept his eyes forward.

"What's her name?"

Sasuke remained silent. Naruto cocked his head and suddenly grinned.

"You used it too, Sasuke... didn't you?" His smile was victorious. He loved humiliating Sasuke, who would never admit to using a dating service for the lonely. Sasuke ignored him. Naruto slid over the three stools between them, and propped his elbows on the counter, still smiling.

"So you don't know who it is?" he whispered, watching Sasuke eyes turn to him. "And that's why you're dressed like a male stripper, to impress her."

"I am not dressed like a male stripper!" Sasuke shouted under his breath, turning violently so that he and Naruto were face-to-face. The blonde's smirk was infuriating, so Sasuke narrowed his eyes and faced forward again.

"Well then," Naruto said, tracing circles on the marble with his index finger. "When are you meeting her?"

"At eight," Sasuke said, and realized that she should have been there by now. He sat up straighter and looked around for a girl who might be looking for someone. He saw no one of the sort.

"Wow, me too," Naruto said. "But why here? You hate this place."

"She suggested it," Sasuke replied, his eyes still scanning the street, which was dark outside the perimeter of Ichiraku's bright lights. "Or else I never would have came _here_."

"Yeah, I figured that this would be the best place to meet, and my date agreed that we could meet here."

Sasuke nodded slightly to Naruto, still looking and waiting. He vaguely listened as Naruto continued talking.

"I mean, it's great!" Naruto said emphatically. "We have so many things in common!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Of course she did, or else the site wouldn't have paired her with him.

"I mean... she likes cooking and animals and stuff..."

"What did you say?" Sasuke's body swung around sharply on the stool, his eyes wide. Naruto looked a bit taken aback, but he smiled.

"I said she likes cooking, and animals-"

"What else?" Sasuke demanded, feeling a dead sense settling inside him.

"Um..." Naruto brought a finger to his lips in thought. "Training..."

Sasuke's heart dropped lower.

"Watching T.V..."

This had to be a nightmare.

"And..." Naruto smirked broadly. "She's the best damn looking person in Konoha."

Sasuke turned, banging his head lightly on the counter.

"What wrong, Sasuke?" Naruto asked, looking somewhat concerned that his teammate was hitting his head on the counter.

"Well..." Sasuke said through gritted teeth. "My girl liked ramen, being outdoors, friends... and being the best."

"Hey, that's what I put!" Naruto said, smiling happily. Five seconds passed before his eyes opened again, the smile fading from his face.

"Wait... Sasuke... what did you put for your interests?"

"Cooking, animals, training, T.V., and... being the best damn looking person in Konoha." His voice was quiet.

"But... but..." Naruto looked behind him, hoping to see a girl waiting for him. He turned back to Sasuke slowly, having not seen any girls.

"Sasuke, I think I'm your date."

**T.B.C...**

* * *

**Ooh, interesting. The first thing out of Sasuke's mouth next chapter will probably be "No shit, dobe!"**

**Now... I have to think of a way to turn this into one hot SasuNaru. Any suggestions?**

**-smiles-**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto... or Pirates.**

* * *

"It's karma," Sasuke muttered to himself, still smacking his head on the counter. "It's what I get... what I get for calling."

Naruto stared at Sasuke as the raven continued to try and injure himself.

"Sasuke..."

"What?" Sasuke asked, his voice muffled, as he had his face pressed down as hard as he could.

Naruto didn't answer, and just continued to stare.

"What?" Sasuke repeated again, daring to lift his head and look at him.

"Nothing," Naruto said shrugging. "It was just rhetorical... um..." He turned to the man behind the counter, smiling and pulling yen from his pocket. "I'll have... um, Sasuke, you want some?"

Sasuke shook his head.

"I'll have one bowl of ramen then," Naruto said happily. "Make it miso!"

The man grunted, still staring at Sasuke's dismayed form, and took the money. He turned to get the ramen.

"C'mon, Sasuke, it's not that bad," Naruto said, taking the bowl and lifting noodles to his mouth. "I mean," he continued somewhat sloppily, "It could have been worse."

"_Worse than you?_" Sasuke thought.

"It could have been, like, Choji or something," he said, still devouring his ramen. He set the bowl down and sighed. "Cheer up."

"Tch."

Naruto stood up, thanking the cook. He pulled at Sasuke's leather-covered arm, urging him to stand. Sasuke reluctantly rose to his feet and slouched after Naruto into the darkness of the street.

"You know," Naruto said, still looking at him curiously. "I wasn't expecting this either."

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"I mean," Naruto said, a touch of shyness entering his voice. "I was expecting to... you know, _get _some."

"I noticed," Sasuke muttered darkly, then under his breath: "_Hope you're ready for some action_... tch."

"What about you?" Naruto asked. "I can't imagine _you_ doing something like this."

"I can't either," Sasuke said, still cursing himself.

"Wait a minute." Naruto stopped, turning to Sasuke, moonlight reflecting in his eyes. "Your interests..."

Sasuke sighed, shoving his hands in his jean pockets. He turned from Naruto's gaze and stared at a decrepit old building to his right.

"You made them up."

"So?"

Naruto sighed loudly and ran a hand through his blonde hair.

"Then this is all your fault." He started walking again.

"What?" Sasuke half-shouted, running after Naruto. "_My_ fault?"

"Yes, your fault," Naruto told him, still looking amused. "If you hadn't made all those fake interests up, the site wouldn't have paired us together."

Sasuke stopped again, looking dumbfounded. "You're right..."

"Uh-huh."

"Damn," Sasuke said. "I knew it... I _knew_ I shouldn't have called... damn."

"Don't worry about it," Naruto shrugged. "At least it wasn't some other guy. I'm not gonna tease you about it or nothin'."

Sasuke felt grateful toward him for a moment, then scowled again for being so stupid as to get himself into this situation in the first place. Naruto patted him on the shoulder.

"Come on," he pulled Sasuke's arm again, and they started off down the street. "Let's go."

Sasuke looked sideways at him. He wondered how Naruto could keep such a positive attitude about everything. Nothing seemed to bother him.

"It's kinda funny," Naruto rambled on. "If you really had been meeting a girl, she wouldn't even know she'd be lucky enough to actually be getting _you_."

"What?" He looked at at him.

"You know," Naruto said, a blush coming over his cheeks. "All the girls want you and stuff..."

"Well, I was thinking the same thing before I left." Sasuke said.

"When you think it, it just makes you look cocky."

Sasuke scowled at him. "Well, I'd rather have you than Sakura or Ino, anyway."

They kept walking, and eventually they came to Sasuke's house. He turned to Naruto as if to say goodbye.

"I'm going in," he mumbled. "And hurting myself for being an idiot."

He turned, but Naruto suddenly grabbed his arm.

"No, wait!" he said, letting go embarrassedly the minute their eyes met. "Don't... hurt yourself."

"I was kidding."

"I-I mean... why waste this night?"

Sasuke stared at him.

"Well, you expected to come out and have a nice time... you still can... _we_ still can..."

Sasuke blinked. "No."

Naruto grimaced at him in annoyance. "I didn't mean like that."

Sasuke attempted to still his thudding heart. For a minute, he actually thought Naruto had been talking about...

"We could watch a movie... or play a game or something."

Sasuke looked at him.

"Okay..." he was confused. "Where would we do this?"

Naruto shrugged, gesturing toward Sasuke's house. "As friends... getting together."

Sasuke let his breath out and walked up his path, Naruto following behind him. He turned the key in the door and walked into the kitchen, the room the door was built into, and flipped on the light switch. Naruto had been in Sasuke's house before, but he was still surprised at how clean he was. The house was... immaculate, to say the least.

"I still can't believe _I_ was your date."

"Stop calling yourself my date," Sasuke said, sliding out of his jacket, exposing his tight black shirt. Naruto wasn't sure why his breath caught in his throat. "That sounds creepy."

"Sorry..." Naruto said absentmindedly, still ogling Sasuke's muscular chest. The raven cleared his throat, staring at him. Naruto shook his head, bringing himself back to his senses. He slipped out of his own jacket, and laid it on a chair. Sasuke glanced at him and picked it up, hanging both it and his own in the closet.

"Sorry."

Sasuke waved his hand in the air. "It's all right. I'm just kind of..."

"A neat freak?"

"Yeah..." Sasuke frowned.

Naruto chuckled. Sasuke sighed again and disappeared into the living room. Naruto heard the T.V. turn on, and he peered around the corner. Sasuke threw him a DVD. _Pirates of the Caribbean_.

"How about that?" Sasuke called to him.

"Sure." Naruto tossed it back, and Sasuke put it in the player.

"Hit the lights."

Naruto looked unsure for a moment at the thought of being alone with Sasuke in the dark, but reached over to the wall and flipped the switch down. Darkness fell around him, and he hurried to the couch, sitting down next to Sasuke.

"_Are you looking for that someone spe_-"

Sasuke growled and turned the T.V. to DVD mode. He definitely wasn't in the mood to see the Desperate Interest commercial. Naruto grinned sideways at him. Sasuke buried a hand in Naruto's blonde hair and shook him lightly, smiling himself.

**XXX**

"You know," Naruto said an hour later, getting slightly bored with the movie. "I hope you don't think I'm weird for calling that thing just to get some from a girl."

"No," Sasuke said slowly, wishing Naruto wouldn't talk about that. It made him feel horny thinking about a girl and sex. "That's... that's natural for a guy."

"Well, what did you want to meet a girl for?" Naruto asked slyly, mock punching Sasuke on the arm.

"...Same reason you did." Now he was really feeling the pressure.

"Really?" Naruto asked. "You, Sasuke?"

"Yes..." Sasuke said, gritting his teeth as he, to his horror, felt himself getting hard. He shifted as to hide it from Naruto, but the blonde chose that exact moment to look down. Sasuke watched those blue orbs widen, and then rise to meet his. He blushed.

They were totally ignoring the movie.

"Sasuke..."

"You got me worked up, that's all," Sasuke said gruffly, avoiding Naruto's gaze and standing up from the couch. "I'll go... take care of this."

Naruto blushed as the mental picture of Sasuke relieving himself flashed through his mind. Without thinking, he reached up and pulled Sasuke back down. They were both blushing, eyes locked.

"No, don't," Naruto said softly, looking down at the stitches on the couch cushions. "You can't do that with me here."

"Why not?" Sasuke's voice was strained.

"I'll... I'll hear you..."

Sasuke became aware that he was breathing hard. "You're right... I'll just..."

He froze as Naruto's fingers undid the zipper on his jeans.

"What are you doing?" he whispered, turned on and terrified at the same time.

"I'll do it... for you..." Naruto said, almost inaudibly. Sasuke licked his lips, arching his back into the soft plush of the couch. Naruto's hands shook. He didn't know why he was doing this... but he knew his body was screaming for him to.

He took a deep breath, squeezed his eyes shut, and lifted his head up to bring his lips to Sasuke's.

Sasuke stared down in shock at the blonde he'd called a friend since they were 12, now kissing him. Acting of its own accord, his body pushed against Naruto's, his hands running through the blonde locks tickling his nose.

Naruto tasted intoxicatingly like ramen and sugar, Sasuke thought, feeling hands touching him in all the right places. His senses peaked, and suddenly he gasped, throwing his head back on the couch frame as Naruto broke away. His eyes remained shut as he felt something cleaning him and his jeans. He opened his eyes. Vision blurry, he could make out Naruto's shirtless form. He lifted his head and looked down. Naruto was using his shirt to clean Sasuke up.

Blue eyes raised to his, and Naruto smiled weakly.

"Okay now, Sasuke?"

Sasuke nodded with great difficulty. His body felt limp and useless.

"Sasuke..."

Sasuke sat up with a grunt and looked at Naruto's pleading eyes. His own black orbs traveled down. A smirk crept onto his lips.

"You too?"

Naruto nodded, blushing crimson.

Sasuke picked up the remote and stopped the movie. Naruto watched his every move carefully, until Sasuke pulled his shirt over his head and turned to him, his eyes gleaming. He pushed Naruto up against the arm of the couch, hands meeting hips, and lips clashing with lips.

His ears perked as he heard the familiar commercial.

"_Are you looking for that someone special?_"

Sasuke smiled onto Naruto's lips. "Found him."

**_OWARI_**

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**A/N: And that's it!**

**As much as I hate doing stories that end after only two or three chapters, I don't see anywhere else this story could go other than one chapter of just SasuNaru smut.**

**As much as I would like that myself, I don't feel like raising the rating to M and I don't feel like making a short, pointless chapter about nothing but man smex.**

**I don't think I could provide enough smut for a decent length chapter. I do still have a bit of innocence buried somewhere inside.**

**Reviews are very much appreciated.**


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